Date Night

Your relationship with your husband/wife/partner is unique. Whether you have known each other since childhood, fell in love in a short whirlwind romance or have a long complicated story, your partnership needs to be nurtured and cared for as you travel through life’s different phases.

New parenthood truly expands and tests the definition and limits of that binding relationship. The two of you have suddenly become three (or more!). The topic of conversation has shifted from work, in-laws, friends, movies, weekend plans and carefree vacations to new smiles, the adventures of rolling over and sitting up, the number and quantity of a feeding, diaper duty, sleep deprivation, laundry and the shocking joys of a brand new life!

The thrill of parenthood cannot be compared with any other experience. It is the hardest and best work you will ever do. The joys are never ending and so are the dilemmas.

It is easy to lose your original relationship in the shuffle. What brought you two together suddenly disappears in the maze of daily responsibilities and unending surprises.

How can you still keep the relationship alive when you are distracted by kids, work, etc.? You need to find a way to maintain the magic of your own relationship. A happy couple makes happy parents!

Sounds easier than it is! Let’s start with the most simple way to get this going. DATE NIGHT.

Make a commitment that no matter what happens during your week, the two of you will make a conscious effort to spend one evening on a “date.” Now, this does not have to be a dinner and movie sort of date. For most new parents finding baby sitters and disposable income can be a challenge. Date night is:
1. A small to large amount of time set aside to be together
2. Time together away from your baby/child
3. Time spent away from the house/apartment
4. Cancellations are only due to illness on the part of a child (fever, vomiting) or parent (fever, vomiting)

This can be a simple stroll through the local mall, a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop, a hike in a local park, or it can be more elaborate. Try dinner out, take in a movie then dessert where you can talk afterwards, or get together with friends for some fun.

Yes! The cell phone is welcome to come along. It is fine to know that the person charged with the care of your most precious life can find you with any question or concerns. Just try not to run home if you hear that the baby sneezed or cried. The baby will be just fine.

True stories:
I learned my lesson with my first born. I never went out or left her with a sitter for almost two years. I was a wreck! I trusted no one! Sensing this, my child thought she could not breathe unless I was in view. Looking back, I know I created this situation myself.

By the time number two came along I had learned a lot. When I was due to give birth we were out on a Saturday night date at a local restaurant. The waiter noticed how large I was and asked when I was due. I joked that I was giving birth that night. Well, I DID go into labor that night and gave birth to daughter number two on Sunday!

Being the experienced smart mom that I was, I was back at that same restaurant for date night the next Saturday night. I, of course, reminded our astonished waiter about the pregnancy the week before. He was amazed. So was I!

We started going out on that night and continued that until the kids were grown and moved out!

What a difference it made to our children and to our marriage. It gave my children a sense that, as important as they were to us, their parents also were committed to each other. It became a wonderful routine that just turned into a normal routine that kept us all healthfully bound to each other.

Priceless time with Parent #2


If you follow the recommendations of date night as described above and find that it adds to your life - this idea will truly add another level of joy to your life.

There is always one parent who is the primary caregiver. Even if you both work, one parent tends to be the parental decision maker. The one who primarily does the bathing, dressing, feeding, diapering and parental related decisions is considered the primary caregiver. This individual tends to know their baby a bit better than the other. This is not a criticism, just a result of time spent.

This is when I feel it is important for the secondary caretaker to take on a new and exciting task. If this has not already occurred naturally the following is highly recommended:

Take your child out alone one morning a week. Go on errands, the park, a child friendly restaurant, the zoo, a walk, the beach, or any where you can spend time one on one with your child. The experience will serve a multitude of purposes.
1. You will learn the nuances of your baby/child and feel more confident being alone as the parent
2. You will feel a kind of pride you can only experience on a one to one basis
3. There will be a new closeness between you and your child that cannot be accomplished at home
4. The joy of experiencing and developing your own special stories about your child is priceless
5. A new tradition will be developed that will grow with the child

True story.
My husband worked all week and sometimes did not even make it home to have dinner with us as a family. He was often tired and did not have the joy of bath time, bedtime, or story time on a regular basis.
The children adored him but I always needed to tell him about the new things the baby was learning to do and the funny adventures we were having each day.

He started taking the children out to breakfast as soon as they could put “Cheerios” into their own mouths and sit up in a high chair.
This became my time to sleep late, start exercising, make special phone calls or take a long bath! It was perfect.
The started each Saturday with a trip to IHOP. It was very cute to see them going off each Saturday with a smile on their faces knowing that they were off to spend time with their Daddy. Even when they were not yet walking, they looked so proud when he held then up on his hip and waved good-bye to me as they left on their little adventures.
These Saturday morning excursions continued through the years. It became a “sacred” tradition that only got postponed by illness or a rare scheduled event. All in all it was a given that this was Daddy Time.

They would come home all tired and smiling. The experience of the outings nurtured a closeness that nothing else could have created.

I think the joy of my husband telling me what funny and adorable things the children did was enough to convince me that this was a healthy and necessary experience for all of us.

Of course IHOP expanded into the park, sometimes my husband invited other dad’s and their kids to join them, they listened to music in the car and sang along, they were able to surprise me with small shopping excursions for birthdays or Mother’s Day, they relished trips to the bookstore and library, they grew these outings into a tradition that continued far beyond those first experiences with Cheerios.

Even later, when soccer games, homework, or religious school got in the way, my husband found a way to continue the tradition—leaving half an hour early to grab a bagel before the soccer game, or by taking a trip to the bookstore on a Saturday afternoon. Efforts were made to continue the special time together.

My children are grown. But when you mention Saturday mornings to them - you should see their eyes light up with the memories that they created with their Daddy. Priceless? You bet!