The Beginning

There is a simple philosophy that I want to share with parents. As parents, we have the power to influence how our children come to view themselves. We have the power to plant positive ideas into their growing minds that help them view themselves as good, worthy, successful and kind human beings. It is a sort of positive" brainwashing" that starts when the child is very young and continues as they grow. It can start at their crib sides and move to their bedsides.

Our children are constantly receiving input from the world around them.The visual, auditory, tactile, and olfactory senses get bombarded all day long. This certainly helps the healthy child learn and expand. But as the child lies in their beds at night, so many of the senses begin to quiet down. The lights are low so the eyes are quieted, sounds are at a minimum as the family settles in for the night, the bed offers a soft environment enveloping the body in a womb like atmosphere and their pajamas are lose and comfortable, the smells and tastes buds are relaxed. Now is the time to feed the mind with the parent's voice. The child's mind is open to hearing that voice. It is time to quietly talk about the day, concerns, and questions. This is obviously adjusted to the age of the child.

The young child may enjoy a recap of the day. This is the time for the parent to highlight what the child has done WELL that day. "I was so proud of you when I saw you share your new toy with Johnny."

The older child may need to talk about a conflict from school. Listen carefully. Don't judge. Reflect back to the child how they may have felt at that moment. "It sounds like you were really upset with your teacher when that happened." Avoid, "Well, why did you throw the paper when you know you shouldn't do that?"

The more mature child may even need to discuss much more serious matters. Relationships, sexual matters, worries about the world. Always let the child know that they are not alone in their worry. Others feel the same way yet they are still unique! What a concept.

The best part of this bedside chat is that when it is time to say good night the child MUST be left with positive words. The I love you message never gets old. It should be repeated ever night when possible. Try, "No matter what you do in life, I will always love you." "You are a good person and I know you will always make me proud." "Even though today was a hard day and we had some arguments, I still want you to know that I love you and I think you are a wonderful person."

The whole idea is that as your child hears those words and you leave the room, they are left with a positive self image as they fall to sleep. The last words in their minds are about them being worthwhile and good. It stays in their minds. The "brainwashing" power sinks in and follows them into their dreams and hopefully, stays with them into the next day and week.

These are just some thoughts. How to deal with day to day problems is another issue. I have advice for many levels of childcare. My background as a mother, aunt, friend and advisor to many has tested me. Give me a try.

Thanks. Mommy J